


Remedy

by ChiaraWaters



Series: Short works [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Dealing with past rape, Established Relationship, F/M, Mentions of Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 13:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5292827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiaraWaters/pseuds/ChiaraWaters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Rafael preps Amanda for the Patton trial the two deal with the consequences of being that open with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remedy

**Author's Note:**

> This was written on a whim but I needed to get some feelings out after re-watching "Forgiving Rollins"

“Amanda, are you okay?” Rafael asked as he walked into his kitchen where she was waiting for the bialetti to finish. He watched as she shrugged. “You know why I couldn’t, don’t you?” Wanting more than just a shrug as an answer.

Normally when she was in his kitchen and in one of his dress shirts he couldn’t keep his hands to himself but tonight was different. Everything seemed different now and he hoped to god that he had done the right thing. She hadn’t been in the right mind, had been quiet the entire taxi ride from the court room to her place where she had insisted on coming back to his and he wanted to do anything to make her feel less like a fragile doll. 

Rafael had felt the anger that came from the Barba side only a couple of times in his life, an anger that he tried very hard to ignore and not feel because he knew what could happen if he let it take over him. He had watched his father let the anger take over and Rafael had sworn he would never be the kind of man that his father had been. Yet, Rafael was sure that if he let it in he would search out Patton and he would kill him. That would be using the Barba anger for good, wouldn’t it?  He had stood in the court room with Amanda sitting in the box in front of him and he had watched her become the woman she tried so very hard to hide, the woman she had tried to leave behind her in Atlanta, and Rafael’s only thought was to murder the man that had raped the woman he loved. 

“Amanda,” He started as he walked up behind her and carefully put his hand on her lower back, trying to let her know that everything was okay, that he loved her and that he was there for her. He closed his eyes as she moved as if his touch was harmful to her. He remembered thinking that they worked so well together because they were both trying to forget the past and only concentrating on the future but they weren’t that anymore, she hadn’t wanted to talk about her assault and everyone on the squad had encouraged her to disclose so that Patton could be put behind bars. 

“Don’t touch me.” As she turned and looked at him. “You didn’t want to touch me before, you don’t get to touch me now.” 

Her words stung but he knew this wasn’t about him, this was about her finally admitting what had happened out loud. 

“Amanda, I couldn’t do that because I can’t be the distraction. You can’t just pretend what happened to you didn’t happen!” His voice calm and apologetic. “You’ve been doing that too long.” 

“Don’t you dare talk to me like I’m one of your clients! Like I’m a victim!” Her tone, on the other hand, was loud and her drawl was emphasized. He had only heard this tone once before. 

“But you are. What Patton did to you…” 

“No. We are not talking about this here!” She shook her head, her blonde hair falling in her face and he had to stop himself from reaching out to move it. “I shouldn’t have come here. It was a mistake to come here.” 

Rafael shook his head and stepped in front of her as she went to leave the kitchen, grabbing her waist gently. “Amanda, please. You don’t have to leave. We have to talk about this.” 

“You don’t get to be the good guy here, Barba! I needed you!” 

He swallowed. He could still feel how rushed and painful her kisses had felt against his lips, cheek, and neck. How she had seemed so impatient, pulling at his clothes, nearly ripping off the buttons on his shirt before he had grabbed her hands and pushed her away. 

“You needed me to be the man I can’t be! Not at this moment. I can’t just forget what you told me, I can’t be the distraction from your pain. I won’t let you use me like I’m one of your vices.” 

He nearly fell as she pushed him backward, her hand connecting with his face for a split second and he felt stunned as he felt the burn where she had slapped him. 

“I needed you!” She yelled as she pushed against him as he finally took a step toward her and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. He wasn’t a strong man and he nearly let go of her as she fought against him but he surprised himself by holding onto her, and finally after a few moments he moved his hand to her hair and rest against the back of her head as he held her to him. Feeling the tears slowly seep through the material of his shirt to his skin. 

“I’m sorry,” He said softly as she gripped onto his shirt. “I’m sorry.” And at that moment Rafael wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for his own actions or for Patton’s. 

“I…” She started shaking her head a little against his shoulder and he moved so that he could look at her, his hand moving to her cheek and wiping at the tears that were running down, staining her beautiful pale skin with her mascara. 

“I will be here every step of the way. You will not be alone in this. I love you too much to let you fight this alone. Do you hear me?” He asked his gaze piercing. “You have me.” 

Amanda nodded and curled into him as he hugged her against himself. “You have me.” He whispered again needing her to understand that she wasn’t alone in this. That she wasn’t ever going to be alone. Not just in the court room when Buchanan cross examined her but in her life, he was going to be there for her no matter what. 

“Come on, you need sleep,” He said before kissing the side of her head softly. The sound of the espresso bubbling on the stove, gently he let go of her and moved to the stove, turning off the burner before taking her hand and walking her to the bedroom.


End file.
